First day scream-free

A week ago I wrote this entry in my blog.  I was down and really feeling low about my parenting.  So I was very excited yesterday because I received my first email from Jackie Hall via the Essential Baby 28 Day Scream-free parenting challenge.  It was like somebody switched on a light for me.  Sometimes you think you know what to do, and when somebody actually gives you advice, you think “well now THAT makes perfect sense!”

Yesterday’s email discussed how stress is a conflict between belief and reality.  Stress occurs when what you believe should be happening, isn’t.  And for me that happens on a regular basis.  I tend to create unrealistic goals.  Someone in my past once called me a high achiever.  And I guess that could be true.  I certainly have high expectations.  Very high.  And when you’re a five year old or a two year old – well, you just aren’t going to cut the mustard.

The email went on to discuss how we could eliminate the stress by changing how we view challenging situations.  By doing this we would remove the gaping hole between belief and reality.

An example was:

Parent A may perceive a tantrum from their toddler as learning behaviour and their child is simply learning how to behave in the world and realise that they can't get what they want.

Parent B may be perceiving how embarrassing it is, that they shouldn't be behaving that way, how much they've had enough of this behaviour, how much this behaviour is effecting their life and their bond and on and on in that direction.

Which parent do you think is feeling more stress?

I may as well be walking around with a t-shirt emblazoned with PARENT B on it.  That is me.  To a T.  Sorry, the pun was intended.  So I read my email yesterday – took it on board, ruminated on it and then put it into practise.

Little Warrior was in daycare yesterday but that didn’t stop him from throwing two gargantuan tantrums in the space of two hours once he got home (seriously – he nearly ripped the handle off our fridge).  I did what the email suggested.  I looked at his tantrum as a learning behaviour and thought ‘he’s simply learning that he can’t get what he wants.’  And do you know what?  I didn’t get cranky!  I didn’t get annoyed!  I wasn’t thinking “F*ck my life”, I wasn’t desperately wondering what to do next, nothing!  Something as simple as merely changing the way I look at the situation was miraculous.  I couldn’t believe it.  And I have to say, I was a little proud of myself.

So big ups to me.  Big ups to Jackie Hall and big ups to Essential Baby.

Teamwork!

xx

It's my party & I'll cry if I want to (part 1)...

Image: Rawich / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So!  Polynesian Princess turns five this week and this year we’re allowing her a party.  A small one.  Historically we don’t DO parties.  We have family over for a morning or afternoon tea.  Once we had a couple of her little friends join our family get-together but it was nothing like a real party.  Nothing like me baking a cake she has requested.  Or inviting friends she has requested.  Or playing games she has requested.

Running the idea past The Architect, his only concern was for my welfare.  “If you don’t think it’ll be too stressful….” he ventures…  Because he knows.  He knows what I’m like.  He knows that despite me saying “it’ll be FINE… just a simple gathering in a park” that I will end up with a stress headache, making and baking creations that I could have just bought, and possibly ending up as a stain on the carpet in the corner of our bedroom.

But never mind!  I want to do this for my little girl and I want to make it work.  I mean, how hard can it be?  A cake, some fairy bread and pass the parcel.  Right?  WRONG.  Oh so very wrong.  That would be right for any other normal, reasonable homosapien.  But not me dear reader…not me.  Because once I set my mind on an idea, even if it’s a ‘simple’ idea – I always, ALWAYS want to make it different, or memorable, yet easy.  And herein is my downfall.  Because invariably it’s never that easy when I’m trying to do these kind of things and simultaneously maintain my sanity.

In my head I’m already planning these ‘simple’ things and night after night, lists are growing in my head.  Need to check what battery size the bubble machine takes, and maybe the radio too.  Maybe bring a trestle table and extra chairs and blah blah blah-de-blah.   Seriously.  You’d think I was planning an event for CHOGM, not a five year old’s birthday party.  In a park.  With a handful of girls from school.

I can hear all the veterans reading this and laughing at my naivete.  I appreciate there are people out there who could probably ice a Dolly Varden whilst simultaneously boiling up some cheerios and cutting up the fairy bread.   AND have a spare hand to point to where everything needs to go while you delegate with aplomb.  I know, I know!  This is but a tiny blip on the radar of party planning but I don’t do these things often and for this very reason (I'm whining now).   When it comes to planning, I do have a tendency to over-think and over-complicate things.  There.  I said it.

We are T minus four days until my first foray into the world of hosting a kids’ party.  She has chosen her cake (a dolly varden), and she has chosen honey joys as her treat to take to school on her birthday for her classmates.  Adding to the chaos is the fact that Little Warrior celebrates a birthday tomorrow (yep - he's tomorrow and she is the day after, and NO we didn't have sex once a year).  So there will be a bit of baking happening in my little kitchen over the next few days, not to mention all the prep for the party.  But I'm happy and I know they'll both be happy with whatever I produce.

So stay tuned peeps - I will be as busy as the proverbial blue-ass fly for a while, but I will update once the fat lady sings.  That is, once the party is over, but you got that right?

Yours in butter icing,

D Diva
xx