Change of plans!

Oh what a difference a couple of weeks makes!  Two weeks ago I was on a high.  Decision made.  I’m goin’ back to work baby!!  Only to be shattered by the news that we didn’t get a place for DS.  I hung up the phone, put my head in my hands and cried like a baby.  And I don’t mean screamed, kicking my legs while simultaneously trying to scratch whoever is holding me.  I actually mean, just cried.  Shoulders and everything.

But after a couple of days, I began to see the universe had other plans for me.  No rushing back to work for this little black duck (who you calling ‘black).  I am at peace with the fact that I will be at home for a little longer than anticipated.

Maybe we’ll get a place next month, or next week, or even tomorrow.  But whatever happens, I’m happy to roll with it…

Ugliness within

I’ve got a lot of friends.  I make friends relatively easily and I love being around people.  Yet more and more, I find myself disliking myself and feeling truly ugly underneath.  This isn’t something that I want anymore.  I want to make a conscious decision to put it out with yesterday’s garbage.

All of my friends can’t be wrong, right?  There must be something nice about me, otherwise I’d have no friends to speak of.  So why do I constantly try to be someone else?  I’ve always wanted to be the best version of me I could possibly be, and sometimes, when the ugliness shows through, I truly dislike myself and wish I could be a “better person”.

Talking to my sister-in-law today (who, as it happens, is somebody I try to emulate for her patience and reasonableness) and she reasoned that everybody feels the same way.  That SHE feels the same way.  And it stumped me.

I guess it never occurred to me that other people would feel ugly too…

Mark Twain once said that he could live off a compliment for a good two months

“I think you know how to write”.  Seven words.  Seven little words that I will probably replay in my brain for a long, long time.

Those seven words were said to me by a friend whose opinion I seek, and whose opinion matters.  Why does his opinion matter?  Because I believe he knows what he’s doing in his life and his career.  And his career is almost in alignment with what I am seeking.  I had been waiting for his thoughts on my blog, having given in and sent him the link to my Tumblr page.  He said a bunch of other things as well, but those seven words are what I will remember always.