I’ve got a lot of friends. I make friends relatively easily and I love being around people. Yet more and more, I find myself disliking myself and feeling truly ugly underneath. This isn’t something that I want anymore. I want to make a conscious decision to put it out with yesterday’s garbage.
All of my friends can’t be wrong, right? There must be something nice about me, otherwise I’d have no friends to speak of. So why do I constantly try to be someone else? I’ve always wanted to be the best version of me I could possibly be, and sometimes, when the ugliness shows through, I truly dislike myself and wish I could be a “better person”.
Talking to my sister-in-law today (who, as it happens, is somebody I try to emulate for her patience and reasonableness) and she reasoned that everybody feels the same way. That SHE feels the same way. And it stumped me.
I guess it never occurred to me that other people would feel ugly too…