That irks me. I am irked...

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Anyone who knows me at all will know that I wouldn’t usually the phrase “I am irked”.   I would normally say “that really shit me off”.  And when something really annoys the living bejesus out of me, I’ll substitute shit with the eff word.  Just to really drive the point home.  Maybe I’ll even slam my hand on the table.  Or someone. 

And I get irked by a lot of things.  A lot!  So much so that I’m betting that all those people who are simply nauseated by my constant attempt at being positive with a gratitude journal and upbeat photos of my life, will be sitting back and thinking whatevs.  But it’s true people, it is soooo true.  At the best of times I’m irritated, at the worst of times I want to burn this city to the ground.  I just choose to hide that side of my personality.

I must start with a caveat.  This post is totally and unequivocally a rant of the First World Problems proportion.  I wrote a whole post on first world problems and you can read it here.  I apologise, but occasionally I would like to let off steam.  I try to be positive on a daily basis.  I keep a photographic gratitude journal, and I generally only post happy things online.  But I’m only human.  And to illustrate that, I thought I would write a post about things that irk me.

So let’s begin.  I won’t bore you with all the things that get on my nerves, just four that spring to mind as I'm typing this post.

People whose entire contribution to your texting conversation is “K”

Me: Will be there in half an hour, see you soon!

Them: K

What.  Are you too friggin cool for school to actually type the “o” that directly precedes that “k”?  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m guilty of shortening a lot of words when I’m texting.  But for some reason, that ‘k’ really gets under my skin.

Grrrrr….

When people (read: The Architect) don’t finish one thing in the pantry before they open another

 Case in point: there will be at least 2-3mm of cordial left in the apple & blackcurrant bottle, but he will crack open the Coola cordial.  I say “you can’t just finish the other bottle first?” and he will reply “but I didn’t want that one – I want this one”.  And you know what?  He ain’t foolin’ no-one.  He knows, and I know, that he can’t be bothered throwing the bottle out.  He knows, and I know, that that bottle will sit in the pantry for WEEKS and he still won’t feel like apple & blackcurrant cordial.  These bottles would double in number if it weren’t for me, the goody two-shoes rule-follower with my Mum’s voice from childhood ringing in my ears “finish it off before you open a new one!” dutifully drinking all the dregs that The Architect doesn’t want. 

Annoyment.

Repeating myself

My family will be choking with laughter right now.  Repeating myself is probably THE MOST annoying thing for me.  Which is most unfortunate given we have a five year old and a two year old.  And we all know: they’re not much for getting things first go, are they?  No, no, no.  There must be MUCH repetition.  And I’ve discovered that repeating it with clenched teeth, screaming it or clawing at your hair in frustration isn’t really conducive with getting a message across.  In fact it could actually frighten them.  Yeah.  Mumma of the year.

Still.  Friggin irritating. 

People who can whistle perfectly

I know – I’m such a grumpy old wummin.  But this one has been with me for as long as I can remember.  And as a general sweeping statement: people who can whistle a tune perfectly seem to think that you want to hear them.  I used to encounter whistlers on the street, waiting at bus stops and sometimes even ON the bus.  If you don’t like people speaking loudly on their phones on public transport (which I don’t), you’re definitely not going to like someone whistling a tune (perfectly or imperfectly) in close range.  Are you with me? 

An-NOYING!

I’m going to stop here.  I could go on and on and on but that would serve no purpose at all (people who sniff, people who talk on the phone at the cinema, people who are ignorant, people who…okay that’s enough – my anxiety levels are rising…).

So there.   There’s a small list of things that can irk.

Let me know what irks you.

K?

First World Problems

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There are a lot of things these days that I can christen Classic First World Problems.  Just the term alone is equivalent to someone slapping me in the face and screaming “SUCK IT UP PRINCESS!”.  Or, as we used to say when I was younger “awwwww….diddums”.  This can only be said in a baby voice - it’s the only way it truly works.  A slight tilt to the head also gives it credo.  Urban Dictionary has a number of definitions for the word diddums.  All of which have me chuckling like the maniacal Gen X that I am.

But I digress.  First World Problems.  You know what I’m talking about – we all have them and we’ve always had them.  My informal definition is that it’s just crap that we’re complaining about.  Mindless, senseless and indulgent complaints. Only now we’ve been given a new label to use.  This new label puts it all in a different light and allows us to look at our ‘problems’ (this term is used very loosely) using perspective.  Urban Dictionary defines it like this:

“Problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at.”

Aw, crap, I don't know which 1 carat diamond encrusted platinum ring to buy!

Looking at our niggles and worries in this light can help us to see our worries differently, and quite possibly have a laugh at ourselves.

• iPad dock not working properly and now you have to hold the bloody thing in your lap & use the actual keyboard on the iPad?  Good God!  First World Problem.

• You’ve bought too many groceries to fit in the fridge, so you have to trudge downstairs to fill the other fridge/freezer.  In the rain.  And you actually tsk.   Are you friggin kidding me! First World Problem.

• Rolling your eyes and huffing while the person in front of you clearly has more than 15 items in the express shopping lane?  SUCK IT UP.  First World Problem.

• The blue tooth in your BMW isn’t pairing with your phone?  Awwww…diddums…  FIRST WORLD PROBLEM.

All of these, bar one have been something I’ve huffed about in the recent past.  I know.  I hang my head in shame.  But I list them to help with illustrating my very point.  That short of something extremely serious and life-threatening, a lot of the things we waste our time and energy worrying about, are small bickies.

At the end of last year a very dear friend of mine was going through a family crisis.  Someone very near to them was diagnosed with a brain tumour.  Things were grim, but they were holding it together.  She was holding it together.  And through it all, she remained stalwart, positive and focused.  I would speak to her on the phone, and though she wasn’t the one with the life threatening tumour, I knew how tough this was on her and the family.  My heart hurt for my friend and her family, and it pulled things into perspective for me.  How could you possibly want to whinge and moan about not getting enough sleep when someone you love dearly is coping with this?   Almost anything that I was annoyed at then, was clearly labelled a First World Problem.  Nothing came close to this kind of tragedy.  Not within coo-ee.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t get the shits, and complain about your boss or your colleagues, or that annoying person who whistles whilst walking very closely behind you.  Or your kids not eating one bite of the food you’ve just slaved for an hour to cook for them.  Not at all.  I think a good vent and whinge can do us all good.  I would encourage it!  But don’t fool yourself.  Don’t believe your own crap, and think it’s actually important.  There’s more important things to worry about.

It’s all too easy to get embroiled in our own Bold and the Beautiful lives.  He said this, she said that.   It’s a lucky person that can see things in perspective and listen to their (reasonable) inner voice in the heat of the moment.   The voice that says “put the saucepan down.  The Architect didn’t mean it that way, and after all he DID just clean the car, hang out the washing, put the kids to bed and clean the kitchen”.  You know what I mean, right?

Things that have worked for me are things like replacing the words “have to” with “get to”.  So “I have to cook the kids dinner”, becomes “I get to cook the kids dinner”.  “I have to do the grocery shopping” becomes “I get to do the grocery shopping”.  This has saved me a number of times from spiralling into a one-way slippery slope to feeling sorry for myself simply by putting the emphasis on what I am privileged enough to be doing.

But enough of my rambling.  It’s Sunday night and I want to finish this before Homeland starts.  I missed the end of last week’s episode and I’ll be pissed if I miss this week’s.  Oh wait…

First.  World.  Problem.